I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me this go-around but I simply cannot keep my shit together.
With Dark and Twisty it was easy. Okay, maybe not. But I didn’t war too much with the concept of sleeping with him. Or being in love with him. Or meeting with him. I risked it all to have just moments of his time.
But with Unicorn? I’m freaking out. Maybe it’s because I have the opportunity to see him more frequently. I’m not sure. But I can’t even relax when I’m with him because I’m terrified I’m going to be caught.
I also realized that I haven’t made infidelity easy on myself this time. I installed this stupid GPS tracker on my phone when I took off solo across the country last year. You know, so friends and family could see where I am at all times. To check upon me if I look like I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be. To know where I’m located if I don’t answer their calls… I’ve left it on since then because my dear sweet boyfriend is a motorcycle rider and I like to know where he is… You know, to make sure he didn’t crash into a ditch or something. And also because I’m psychotic like that. But now this GPS tracker has become the bane of my existence.
I turned it off for a while so that I could have some afternoon rendezvous with Mr. Unicorn. Welp, the boyfriend noticed that one pretty quickly. So, next up I installed a fake GPS location application. Which works great by the way. But I set my location to show that I was at home today, and my boyfriend called. Apparently I had lost track of time, with my hand wrapped around Mr. Unicorn’s junk, and he was wondering where I was. I had a literal panic attack on the drive home. I thought about messaging Unicorn and letting him know it’s over, I can’t do it anymore. But I didn’t.
And then we chatted again tonight.
And I am swept back up into the drama of it all. The drug. The allure.
And him. He is a perfect human specimen. Okay, he is a greatly flawed human specimen. I mean, he’s cheating on his NEAR perfect wife. Perfect human specimens don’t do that sort of thing do they now?! But really though, he’s great. He’s guarded. But wants to be open. He’s reserved. He doesn’t feel as passionately as I do. He compliments me (not in the sense that he pays me compliments, although he does that too, but that he is the yin to my yang). And all said and done I’m fairly fucking crazy about him.
Or I just really want wild sex.
Only time will tell…
But really though, I’ve got to get this duality in check. I’d reach out to Mr. Dark and Twisty- but I can’t keep relying on him to help me through all of my adulterous adventures. What I really need is some solid chick (or man) who has been through this before. Who can guide me. Where the heck does one go looking for one of those? Reddit? CL?
All I know is that this freaking GPS tracker is seriously ruining my mojo.