Months pass again without word from my Mr. Exec. We see each other in passing at the theatre, because I basically live there at this point. He is usually with his wife. I try to focus on her rather than him because the attraction inside of me has built to a fever pitch and I don’t dare look him in the eye.
I decided to audition for the next musical. I had my sights set on a role that I was just a smidge too young for, so I wasn’t terribly hopeful. I just wanted to be on stage again with my friends. When I arrived at the audition, all the usual suspects were present. Including the wife of my Mr. Exec- although he was nowhere to be found. Thank GOD!
We all do our singing bits, which is my strong suit. I have a pretty decent set of pipes and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Then we move onto the dancing. Which is not my best category. I’m no triple threat, sad to say. But hey- at least I’m honest about it!
The choreography wasn’t all that difficult so I was feeling confident. Then suddenly I felt the chemistry in the room shift. The air felt thick and heavy with tension. Someone had just walked in to the room to watch the hopefuls awkwardly make their way through the number. He had just walked in the room.
I freeze momentarily. I take a deep breath. I’m no longer feeling so confident about this dance. Not with him watching me. I will myself not to look and to just pretend nothing has changed. Unfortunately, we must audition in small groups and I have to turn away from the director to wait for my turn.
Sure enough, there he is. Just as I figured. He’s dressed business casual. Tan slacks, blue dress shirt. He nods at me with a smile. He seems more stoic, not his usual goofy self. Which I think is worse. I nod back and manage a small smile. I try to swallow the lump in my throat while I feel the blood rush to my face and away from my legs which I will desperately need in less than a minute.
I pull on the memory of my Dark and Twisty to get me through this one. I can feel him coaxing me to do my best. To fuck the rest. And so I dance. It’s not amazing- but it’s passable.
After that we move onto readings. I didn’t get a chance to read for the part I was hoping for. Instead I was chosen to read for the young pretty ingénue. I didn’t even bother to prepare that scene because I figured I was so missuited for it that the director wouldn’t dream of it. Wrong. My Mr. Exec sat right in the middle of the house, in the back row. Which is where I usually look when breaking away from my scene partner. Ugh. Such a distraction.
I avoid meeting his gaze. I look at those who are sitting next to him, but never at him directly. Although I can feel him looking at me. He seems puzzled that I won’t return the eye contact. I’ve never shied away from him before. I’m anxious to be done with this audition and flee the room. Our tension is too much for me.
And I think he knows it.