I had this long post planned. I wanted to relish in every step of our journey- but these things always go so quickly I find it hard to catch up. And I’m on the more contemplative side of the affair now.
I want to write about what’s current, so I will only briefly recount the day’s events.
It was snowing. I love the snow. It seemed fitting that it would snow on the day of my new grand adventure. My hands nervously gripped the steering wheel as I rounded the bend towards his house. He wasn’t kidding- he really does live in BFE.
I’ve done this so many times, that I’m starting to grow a certain confidence. I know what to expect- for the most part. Every person is different, and the affairs always have hidden surprises to uncover, but for the most part the course is generally the same. The men are generally the same.
He is prone to much more false bravado then I am used to. He is grand, and dazzling. But on purpose. Whereas my Dark and Twisty was grand and dazzling merely because of who he was, and the mature acceptance of his personhood, my Mr. Exec is grand and dazzling because he doesn’t know how to be anything else. He wants to be clever. Well liked. He strikes for more.
In general, these types of men annoy me. But there is something more to him that he does not often show. And I would like to uncover it.
Also- he’s just so fucking fine it’s hard to say no regardless. My type. My Mr. Exec.
Oh and our chemistry?
Well, it’s phenomenal. Our kisses come easy, we take cues from each other in a way that I haven’t yet experienced before. I was so nervous about taking control and getting what I wanted. But I didn’t realize that there could be such an ebb and flow. That it might come naturally to those who are sexually suited.
“Do you normally close your eyes when you kiss?”
I’ve pushed him back against the couch and climbed on top of him. Running my finger along his chest. Grinning devilishly down at him. Enjoying his look of pure lust.
“Oh. You. Are. Wicked.”
“I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
I leave earlier than planned. Because I like to keep my distance. And I need to process him. I need to process how good it feels to be pressed up against him. And unfortunately, I need to process how easy it will be for me to form an attachment.
How am I going to handle being around him and his wife?
How am I going to handle being around his wife independently of him? To know that I am sleeping with her husband? That he has been in my bed?
Can… I… do… this?
I am very ill-suited to be a mistress. I have a moral compass, as much as I like to deny it. There are lines that I’ve drawn that I have a very difficult time crossing. And knowing the wife is one of them. I didn’t know her well enough to like her at that point, so that made it a bit easier. She’s always been a bit awkward and quiet. It’s hard not to be when you are playing second to that gem of a man.
In the end, I have very little choice. He’s awakened something in me, and so I must follow him down the rabbit hole. To learn. To know. To hurt. To love. To help. To be helped.