I had another weekly meeting with my Mr. Exec. We once again followed our same pattern. I am beginning to be able to anticipate our movements.
The sex was fantastic, as it usually is. I do wish he would be more commanding. Instead, he seems hell bent on making love. I even attempted some bratty antics. He ordered me to lay down. I refused. He ordered again. I refused again. At this point I would expect him to exact some punishment or perhaps to pin me down. He just laughed. Pity.
I was the one who had some trouble today with the eye contact during our sexual exploits. I kept breaking it with a kiss. Something about it was too intense. Too familiar. Too dangerous. I couldn’t handle it. This is very odd for me. But I shall take the new experience in stride.
Our cuddle session was where the interesting bits happened. He let his darkness peek through. And I lapped it up like a thirsty cat who’s stumbled across a bowl of delicious milk. He said some delightfully wonderful things that reminded me why I chose him in the first place. He’s aware we are playing a game. And he’s an active player in the game. In that moment- I was smitten with him.
He admits that figuring him out will be a bit of a puzzle- and he is convinced I will never get there. That I will never be able to uncover his motivations or intentions. I reminded him that this is something I’m quite good at.
Hold it out
Try to hide it out, but my tracks are better
I’m already beginning to piece together when he’s lying. His eyes flicker in this most delicious way. Today I was speaking a bit about the game. With person A withholding and person B working to unravel the mystery. He said, “Oh no, I don’t like games.” And whilst his voice was sincere, his eyes danced. And I called him on it. He seemed pleased with this.
And so, the real work begins again. I know he is withholding and it is time for me to unmask that which he wishes to keep locked away.
Here are the bits and pieces of him I’ve collected thus far.
- He claims to be a horrible liar. He uses deflection as his tool to steer the conversation away. Classic narcissist. (I’m not entirely convinced here. I think he’s a very skilled liar. And I don’t think he needs to use deflection. A horrible liar wouldn’t give away one of their tells).
- He once mentioned as a throwaway that he is a very emotional person and often feels too much. This leads me to believe that he is going to want an emotional response from me eventually. And perhaps he may be developing one but will not allow me to see it.
- I stated I like to play a game of control. His response was that he will always win- because this is something he excels at. He also informed me that perhaps he has been doing this with me from day one and that I haven’t noticed. (Of course I have, you idiot!) This is where I will pin him down. I need to look for the areas in which he is attempting to manipulate me. There will be his motivation- or his end game so to speak. A few thoughts connected to this are:
- He speaks a lot about interpersonal relationships when we are alone together. And he always uses him and I as an example. In each example, our affair has no expiration date. It is endless. I think he is trying to plant the seed for a continuation of dependency.
- I think he’s tried to use reverse psychology on me. I’ve told him previously “Careful- or I will get addicted to this.” This, meaning our sexual exploits. His response was “Oh no. Don’t do that.” In reality, I think he meant… “YES PLEASE DO.”
- When we’ve had a particularly good session together and we have rehearsal that same evening he makes it a point to attempt to make me jealous by interacting with his wife. Tonight, he sauntered up to her and they shared a steamy kiss. This is not something he has ever done in public before. (Also… oy… what horrible cover you have there, sir.) He wants me to have an emotional response. And perhaps my ability to not provide one for him will make him crazy. I do so hope he tries new tactics.
This affair is just more than I ever hoped it could be. I’m pleasantly pleased with my ability to play with such an opponent. He keeps me guessing at every turn and I’m greatly interested to see where this path will lead. I wonder what his sweet will look like. And if I will ever have the opportunity to uncover it… Or will he forever remain a selfish individual? Only time will tell.